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Selections
from the PopCult mail room,
as chosen by Zippy McDuff, The Invisible Intern™.
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LETTER
OF THE WEEK: LET'S HATE EVERYTHING!
All
the kids at school are wearing these faded pants. You know, the ones that
are perfectly clean, like dark blue Wrangler's or something, but then–out
of nowhere–have this big white stain on the knee, or the calve, or
thigh, or the butt cheek. This I don't understand.
There
is this laundry detergent commercial about a 'tween boy, who goes to school
with these clean, dark blue Wrangler-type jeans and gets rebuffed by some
snobby little sixth-grade vixen for not having the "faded look."
Abercrombie
& Fitch, the house of prep for the misinformed student and the uncomfortable
codger, is now selling ripped shirts and these faded jeans for an exponential
markup that makes Nike's slave-made shoes look like the Marshall Plan.
All
of these things show us, the American Consumer, how stupid we are. Pop
Culture is really just an excuse for being narrow-minded, a fool who spits
in the face of transcendentalism (which never worked anyway, but made
a point) and flocks with all the other foolish butterflies to Mexico,
when we all know Bermuda has much nicer shores and cleaner water.
This
magazine, as its vague editorial manifesto states, is a magazine of pop
culture, but can we trust pop culture? Pop culture is the same cheap bag
of marketing tricks that brought in spandex pants and the band Journey
in the 1980s; it's the same floozy whore who got everyone into digipets
in the 1990s and got Britney Spears her breasts and then, in a cruel circle,
got all three on MTV. With all this crap, from Alf to Zebra gum, to be
pissed off at, we, the American Consumer, still rent videos starring pop
stars that don't know a producer from a pimp, and we, the American Consumer,
still buy Pepsi and Pringles based on dancing breasts and centerfold beach
parties, and we, the American Consumer, still buy Bowflex and join Jenny
Craig on the advice of people who have been skinny and fit their entire
lives. We are really really stupid.
Keeping
this in mind, why did you come to this site in the first place? First,
you might be really really stupid. Second, you might be looking for something
more; something different from whatever it is that Entertainment Weekly
has to say about Halle Berry and her stupid perm. Third, you might just
be ready for some analytical dissemination of the carefully commercialized,
airbrushed reporting of the rich and famous. Either way you're a victim
of the crap that supermarket tabloids have been feeding and your mother
ever since bread came sliced. But, I'm betting on door number three (did
I mention all those pop culture phrases that we pick up–really really
stupid).
Assume
for a moment that the lives of people richer than you, people who are
three thousands miles and four paycheck-digits away from you, actually
matter. Let's assume anyone's life really matters. Then, and only then,
this silly little magazine means something. But their lives don‚t
matter, and yours matters even less. I don't care what Angelina Jolie
is doing for Guatemala, or what Bono is talking to the Vice President
about, or whom Russel Crowe is beating up; it doesn't matter.
But
we, the American Consumer, make it matter. We make our daily trivialities
of cleaning the showerhead, and filing papers, and matching skirts and
blouses matter. We make the world around us matter. Then, we expand this
circle of mattering from our choice of antiseptic vs. deodorant vs. soft-on-the-skin
soap to the lives and trivialities of others. And so forms our pop culture.
The
first pop culture probably started when our Darwinian brethren, the mud
guppy, decided that Guppy #1's puddle of mud was cooler than Guppy #2's,
and so did Feminine Guppy #3, who went and fornicated with Guppy# 1. There
he was, in a puddle of icky stuff, the first babe-magnet of our time;
Guppy #1: the guppy with the golden mud. Then all the other guppies realized
that to be cool they had to start chillin' in the cooler mud, and there
was pop culture.
Now
pop culture is too big to even imagine: it's the clothes we wear, the
gum we step in, the TV we watch, the books we read, the things we say,
the gestures we make–it's everything. Our lives are defined by that
vague, promiscuous notion of pop culture. The way we see the world is
defined by the new Woody Allen film, or whatever Seinfeld is whining about,
or whose dating who in Hollywood, or who Chelsea Clinton sat with in Paris.
Our lives have been stolen from us and regifted to the magi-authors of
garbage that tells us who we are, what cologne is best, what to do on
the weekend, how to handle our girlfriends, what our girlfriends need
to look like, what kind of sex we have–it's as if Hearst Publishing,
Hugh Hefner and Jules Asner are the Almighty Beacon of our lives.
We
see this everywhere: from the pages of Cosmo, to the local multiplex,
at the mall, on CNN–our existence is shaped by what the media tells
us is our culture. Sure, we know what we like, the masses speak out and
tell us where to go, but from that small rush of trendsetters it, the
"pop" explodes outwards like a can of gas from a bad Steven Segul (sic)
movie (if there is a good Steven Segul movie).
How
many people actually needed a Tickle Me Elmo?
We
are all so defined by our possessions. We are what Brad Pitt, in Fight
Club, says we aren't to be, our wallets. We are our pants. We are
our car. We are everything that isn't and nothing that is. We stay after
work to make money, and we skip dinner to watch TV. The problem goes far
beyond pop culture, but it is so essential in the billions of dollars
that are funneled into actors turning ticks and designer's ads in The
New Yorker; some people like art and comfortable clothes, sure, but
most others like what they are told to like.
So
we have this magazine, telling us, again, for the thousandth time what
is cool and what isn't. But, hey, that's what people want, that's what
I write about, that's what people need to feel; like they are something
more than, the eventual, fodder for flowers that they are. Movies, and
TV, and faded pants give us perspective on our world, sure; but too often
they define it. So, when reading this magazine, a product of Zebra gum,
Britney's breasts and platform shoes, let us, the American Consumer, remember
that it is only a perspective, it is only a magazine and if we hold it,
or anything pop culture-ish, too close it becomes a repressive prison
of self.
T-t-that's
all folks!
Ry
Rivard
ryrivard@yahoo.com
What's
so bad about Zebra gum?
–Ed.
UNSOLICITED
WORDS OF KINDNESS
Hey-
Just followed a link on Yahoo's what's new page to your site. You guys
are
cruisin' down my street and up my alley. Keep up the good work!
Kristen
(e-mail address withheld)
Dear
Mr. Turczyn,
Spent about two hours reading through your site and found it very
entertaining. Please keep it up.
Another site you may like in a pop culture vein is www.lileks.com. I have
been reading it for about two years now and enjoy it very much.
Once again, great site. I hope that everything goes well.
Mike
Cleveland, OH
(e-mail address withheld)
Lileks.com
is indeed a wonderful site, with some great galleries. I particularly
enjoyed the tour of The Gobbler. Has anybody witnessed this stupendous
Milwaukee motel in the flesh?
—Ed.
Hello
http://www.topthat.net/webrock/
This is a link that no pop culture website should be without.
Also, I enjoyed your article on America's most superflous magazines. What
about one on America's most superflous TV shows? My votes go to
Entertainment Tonight and Access Hollywood—30 minutes
of the most useless
information on TV...
Michael Chevalier
m.chevalier@chinookmultimedia.com
While
The Flintstones are a better than average Hanna-Barbera product,
I must keep my allegiance to the gang at Warner Bros. And I'm not sure
if it's humanly possible to narrow down only five superfluous TV shows—there's
just so damn many. How can any one show claim the top slot? It boggles
the mind.
—Ed.
Thanks
This female laughed her over forty ass off over your online mag! It's
8:39PM, no dinner on the table...but there's one happy mother in the house.
My thanks to Yahoo for today's Daily Wire having PopCult as the
Daily Pick.
Eileen McMullin,
fodmom@yahoo.com
Member - FOD Family Support Group
"We Are All In This Together"
http://www.fodsupport.org
Advocate for Comprehensive Newborn Screening
www.savebabies.org
"Saving Babies One Foot At a Time"
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